Paradise? Doesn't exist.
After a long pause I am back with yet another fictional story I wrote. Hope you enjoy it and I'd appreaciate any feedback.
„And why do you think that paradise doesn’t exist?“ she asked in thin voice and tried to catch my eyes. I turned and looked down into hers. I had to suppress the smile that was forming on my face every time I looked into those eyes. Innocence and dreams that shined through always made me smile and yearn to protect them. They forced me to wish for them to become true and so I could help her with them. However now I had to hush these feelings. „Define that word,“ I whispered. She gave me a questioning look and took a step closer, which forced her to bend her head a little more and me to dip my gaze, because of our height difference. I took a deep breath. Suddenly she was so close that our bodies were almost touching. I got nervous but I kept a straight face. I can’t let my feelings drag me down because if I allowed that I would never be able to prove to her that all those shiny dreams can’t be fulfilled. . I know that instead of that I’d kiss her and hold her so close as if I was never gonna let go. „A place of happiness and beatitude. A place, where there’s no sadness nor misfortune. A place of youth and joy,“ she answered calmly. I carefully nodded. God, she was so close, that I could feel her warmth. And the beat of her heart. Everything beautiful about her rushed through my head. How her hair waved, her natural scent, the way she laughed when she was truly happy. She was gorgeous. At that moment more than any other. Not even on her wedding day was she that beautiful. I had to stop thinking about my love for her, I wanted to turn around, escape her tempting closeness, but at the same time, I only desired to close that millimeters long distance between us.
„Exactly. A place with no suffering,“ I paused and she lightly nodded, just so she could still look right into my eyes. „The world is built on balance. There are no flowers without rain but also without sun. From everything bad, there comes something good but so the other way around. There’s the same amount of hate and love in the world. If paradise existed, a place full of happiness, love, and beatitude, there would be no balance and the world would collapse,“ I saw the objection in her eyes. The one I heard so many times already. ‚Paradise is balanced out by hell.‘ „No. One place can’t be balanced by another. Even in hell, there has to be joy, love, pleasure and…“ I swallowed because I saw tears forming in her eyes, but I had to stay strong. „… and so has to misery, hatred, sadness be found in paradise. Though the that is no longer paradise, or am I wrong?“ she tightly closed her eyes as she tried to stop her tears from falling down her delicate cheeks. She bowed her head and bit her lip because she couldn’t stop the tears. Hesitantly I placed my hands on her small shoulders. Oh, how did I desire to just hug her close and comfort her, but I couldn’t. I knew I wasn’t allowed to. I hesitated just a second longer than needed and just a second lesser before I’d decide to press her body against me and not let go until she smiles again. I took my hands off of her and let them fall next to my body while hers were trying to dry her wet cheeks in vain. I gave her one more look and then I turned my back to her. Slowly I started walking away and still fought with the desire to hug her, kiss her, say that everything is okay, that I won’t leave her. I was walking away from her with my head bowed and I was listening to her stifled cries. I was walking slowly, too slowly, but it didn’t matter how much I tried to convince my body to move faster, it just wouldn’t listen. I forced myself to only focus on the sound of my own legs as they dragged on the gravel path. That’s the reason why a sudden tug on my shirt surprised me but even then I just stopped in my tracks.
„Don’t leave… Please, don’t leave me alone!“ begged her voice. The sadness in it broke my heart and with every word it shattered to smaller and smaller pieces. „Please,“ her despair filled my mouth and nose and started to suffocate me, on my chest I felt the pressure of her request and my heart was hurting under the repeated hits of grief. „Please…“ her voice was wading in the graveyard-like silence that suddenly surrounded us. I clenched my jaw and fists in my own despair. I couldn’t even move for a moment. Now I should leave without a single word. Disappear from her life and let her hate me, but I couldn’t do it. I was standing there, her palm clutching my shirt and eyes with the last bit of hope were staring into my back. Then she straightened up and bowed her head. Slowly, sluggishly she relaxed her hold and her arm tiredly ran through the air. „I get it,“ she spoke again. I figured she’s starting to cry again, but was also smiling, or at least trying to. „We promised each other our paradise… but that’s not possible and so you have to go now,“ she was no longer trying to stop the tears. She let them fall freely to the ground as she smiled a smile full of pain. I stood there, unable to do anything. It was probably just a second but it felt like ages before she turned and started walking away from me this time. She was walking way faster than I did before and when I was finally able to move she was already halfway on the path away. No… I thought when I saw as she was leaving me. I ran towards her because I couldn’t let it end like this. I couldn’t let it end at all. We promised each other paradise, but that was just a fairytale. I grabbed her hand and forced to face me. Then I embraced her just like how I yearned to since the start of this meeting. She hugged me back and cried even more. „Forgive me, please,“ I cried into her shoulder. „I swear I won’t leave you, okay? Just forgive me. Please…“ we put some distance between. Both with tears in our eyes, she with that beautiful smile of joy. I smiled as well and finally joined our lips. I waited so long to taste her sweet lips, but it was so worth it. „We promised each other paradise, but that was just a fairytale. Let’s promise something real then. Let’s make the promise of balance,“ I whispered as our lips parted. Her cheeks got stained with a light shade of red and with a shy smile she nodded. At that, I kissed her again and our paths got never separated again.
